Friday, July 30, 2010

Anti-Anxiety Medication or Babysitters?

It's been a while since I've posted, but I'll just jump right into it: Parenting ain't easy. As if I was the only one who has discovered this. There's an internet full of women like me discussing the intricacies of how hard parenting is, and then there was that New York Magazine cover, "I love my children. I hate my life."

Okay, I went back to my therapist after a few years off because I thought maybe I needed something. I don't know what that something is, but if a pharmaceutical company made a pill in the size of a glass of wine (or two), then I'd probably start taking it at 630 in the morning when my lovely little baby girl wakes up. She's 17 months old now and talking and whining and loving and loving her mommy. Loving her mommy so much that she doesn't want to let go of me -- EVER-- and this starts at 630 in the morning. I have taught her how to say coffee. Soon I will teach her how to say, "No requests until Mommy has her coffee." I believe Jake was 2 1/2 when he first learned this, and well, learning house rules takes some time.

I sat across from my therapist and went down the list. I'm a stay-at-home mom, I said. I have anxiety, I said. I don't have enough time to write, I said. I love the children, I said. I adore the children. But I'm not myself. I'm impatient. I'm cranky. I'm tired.

I NEED ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, I said.

Are you writing? she asked. Are you sleeping? she asked. Are you eating? she asked. Are you pooping? she asked.

I'm not pooping, I said.

Not pooping is not enough of a reason to go on anti-depressants, she said.

I need something besides Miralax and Benefiber, I said.

And so she pulled out her prescription pad, jotted something down and then handed me a prescription.

Here's what she wrote: "More Babysitters."

You need more support, she said.

I'm a stay-at-home mom, I said. This is my job!

She shook her head. You need more support. You need more sitters. Stop with the guilt.

What would I write about if I stopped the guilt? I asked.

If you had more sitters, she said, you could find out.

And then the session was over.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blog Widget by LinkWithin