Friday, January 22, 2010

We're Divorced, But Still See a Couples' Counselor

It seems like forever ago that my ex and I went to a co-parenting counselor, but in the end, it changed the landscape of our relationship as a divorced couple. (Divorced couple. Isn't that an oxymoron? Or at least a paradox?)

I wrote an essay for Parenting Magazine which you can find in their February issue. When I first wrote it, I originally called it, "We're Divorced but Still See A Couples' Counselor." (They changed the name for their own purposes.) At the time, it felt like we were going to couples' counseling. Because, really, we needed to learn how to get along.

Yes, the divorce showed us that we couldn't, and no longer would, get along as a married couple. But Jake showed us that we had to get along in some fashion.

As unwilling as we were, we were still a unit. An unwilling unit. A triangle and a square? A circle and a rectangle? I'm still wrapping my brain around it all and we've been apart for four years.

Here's the essay:

One last note: There's no real reason I've haven't posted in so long. Just life. Just two kids. Just writing deadlines. Just, just.


  1. That was a great article. My husband and his ex were court-ordered to coparenting counseling. She never showed up to one session, claiming she knew how to parent and it was a waste of her time. Nothing ever came of her failure to follow the order, but my husband did go by himself for a few months and learned a lot (mainly about how to deal with his ex).

  2. Thank you. That must have been difficult for him, but at least he was able to get something out of it, even if it was figuring out how to deal with and manage her. When we're in that mode of survival, you need as much support as you can get.

  3. Awesome article, Hayley! I loved it. Your writing and openness is fantastic. I hope people learn from you and in turn help their children. Great work!

  4. Thank you Carolyn - you know what a fan I am of your work. So that means a lot coming from you.

  5. I started laughing while reading the article when you mentioned your "long-haired therapist, whose mouth had peered off to the side" because I think my husband and I went to counseling with him. I had to look you up to see where you live and, sure enough, I live in the same tri-town area. That guy was useless, huh?

  6. hello a-
    yes, but i'm also going to say that I don't think my ex and i were that easy to counsel!!


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