Friday, August 14, 2009

Fighting With Mr. T

I like to think that I've become a better fighter in my second marriage. Andy and follow a couple of rules. One is Kevin Bacon's advice: "Keep the sex dirty and the fights clean." Love that one.

Another rule: don't tell me that I'm being my mother or father. Who isn't guilty of acting like one of our parents? And I don't mean this in a pleasant way.

Still there's a little bit of screaming, yelling, tantruming, pouting. None of these are great traits, but when you're angry, you're angry.

What's new to me - because in my past relationships, the fighting was off the hook dramatic - is our ability to make up. We come back to each other fairly quickly, which has never been so for me in past relationships. It's eye contact, or a smile, or a tease. Sometimes it takes a day. Sometimes it takes five minutes. I think it's the reason Andy and I get along so well, because we allow the making up process to happen. I read somewhere that it's not that people fight - because everyone fights - it's how they fight, and more importantly, how they make up.

Andy and I went to yoga this morning and he was still mad at me from last night. I flipped out about stuff not being done around the house. (I know, me and every other wife.) He was focused in his practice, which, good for him, but not so great was that he refused to make eye contact with me.

"You still mad at me from the night before?" I said when we got home from the class.


"You wouldn't look at me in yoga. I was staring at you all through those down dogs."

"I was focused."

"Oh, Mr. Focused, huh? What are you, Mr. T? All focused?" [My voice deep and weird like Mr. T's] "I pity the fool who's not focused. It's like that? [Deeper voice, grunting] Huh. Huh.

Andy cracks a smile.

So I text him I love you's and he forgives me.

Have I mentioned that I love his hair?


  1. ' i was staring at you through downward dog '

    AWESOME! i hope you don't mind if i take this little tidbit and put it in my novel :)

  2. ha! a writer's right is to steal from another - so go for it. i'll be searching for the line when your book is published!

  3. I love it. I have friends who make up much like you guys. For me and my husband, what amazes me in our fighting is that we come together fairly quickly too, but one of us is usually holding out an apology. I remember in other relationships saying sorry was like raising a white flag. It gave a sense of utter defeat. Now, with my husband, apologizing doesn't feel that way. It feels....good sometimes. If you can believe that!

  4. i do believe it. it's okay to say you're sorry when you know the other person isn't going to assault you for being wrong - is that what you mean? if so, i really do understand.


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