Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Boundaries: Part III

My initial reason for starting this blog was as a writing exercise, as well as to journal about my blended family. I was really proud of our incredible progression into a positive place for my son and now, my daughter. For a long time, I felt like a shining bright example of how to let go of anger after a divorce and co-parent my child with my ex-husband. I wanted to use this blog as a celebration of those accomplishments, because, damn, we worked hard to get there.

But as I've mentioned on this blog - sometimes I have problems with boundaries. Sometimes I cross the line. Sometimes I blur the line. Sometimes I'm unaware of the line. I'd rather not play a guessing game about what boundary has been crossed. I'd rather take the questionable equation out of the picture entirely. It helps me keep strict boundaries. This is important.

Writing about your family is okay. I will continue to write about my family when I can, but have decided to no longer to just write about my blended family situation. If it comes up every once and a while, great. But to write, and to really, really write, one cannot feel as if they're under a microscope. I have many outlets to write -- magazines, short stories, essays, on the back of crumpled up receipts -- but the online blog format is just too revealing. It's too much of a daily introspection into my life, and I'm not sure if that's working for me in this particular capacity. Ex is the past. Ex is to delete. Ex + daily introspection = backspace. My life is about moving forward.

For those looking for advice on how to manage a blended family, I leave you with a quote from my co-parenting counselor: "A divorced relationship is still a relationship."

Second, I leave you with this wonderful blog: thegrownupchild.ca. Carolyn, the writer of this blog suggested I write a newsletter on blended families, but really, she should do the newsletter. She is a wonderful resource.

And lastly, as my wise mother never fails to remind me: "If you always got along, you wouldn't be divorced."

With that said, I've decided to change the name to my blog. After all, family is about life, and life is more than just family. Right now, I'm going with "Climbing the Steps." That one's sort of sucky. So it'll probably change.

I'm constantly amazed by the honesty and frankness of the women who are unadulterated and open in their work. For me, I'm going to have to find a different way to approach blogging because that's what works best for me. And you know what? Change is okay.

"We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind..."

--from "Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood," by William Wordsworth (otherwise known as the poem that inspired the movie Splendor in the Grass)

My splendor in the grass is the little boy in that photo.

Thanks for reading my blog.

Update: I found a better name.


  1. Hey, thanks for the shout out and kind words Hayley. I've enjoyed reading your posts very much. And I'm looking forward to continuing to read while you head in this new direction.

    And I must say that is one fabulous picture up there. He would be anyone's splendor in the grass!

  2. Thank you Carolyn! I think the splendor theme is going to have to help inspire me to find a new name...


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